You learn quickly in times of hardship, who your true friends are. The ones who will be there at your eleventh-hour. At the drop of a hat, they’d be on your door-step to pull you out of your crisis.
Covid has been so weird. At first we were all about the FaceTime and ZOOM coffee dates and wine chats. I had talked to more of my friends during those first six-weeks than the past year! Sad and funny at the same time. Then, the novelty started to wear off. Then someone had to make a “study” and tell us we had ZOOM fatigue… blah blah blah. Ok – I read about that and I get it. But fuck… be grateful we CAN connect. Can you imagine if this had been even ten years ago? We can work from home and connect with our loved ones because we have this technology. Now we have to find something negative about it. We are just wimps. I am starting to sound like my Dad.
Anyway. Through my coaching – are you tired of me sharing my learnings yet? Some of my “sensitivities” about friendships have surfaced. I’ve been trying to work through some of that shit. I am understanding, I’m just not 100% accepting yet.
I’m a super-feeler. I LOVE to talk about feelings. I think that’s why people were drawn to me as a personal trainer. We can workout and feel ALL the feels. No judgement here. The problem about that for me is that I am an empath through and through. So all that energy gets absorbed and kicks the shit out of me. So much so, that at one point, I took almost a year off due to the burn-out.
I love to hug. So covid has been really hard that way. Constantly stopping in mid-air hug. Now that things have been opening up – its like, “can I hug you?” and if its a yes, I’m a squeezer. No fru-fru little taps on the back – don’t waste your covid hugs on that shit. HUG ME!!!!
As it turns out, not everyone is a “feeler”. My coach Mia has been teaching me that not everyone is ready to be where I am. That is at a point of “awareness”. Also turns out, I’m a bit of a fixer. An IMPATIENT fixer. Oh I can psycho-analyze the shit out of you and tell you exactly how to fix it – you need to get it done – yesterday. But, blah blah blah… some of you just aren’t ready to feel ALL the feels. You’re missing out man… (shhhh… Mia is saying… ok – I know – I know!).
So when I’m in a relationship I give 100%. But this is where things get tricky. MY 100% is MY 100% and your 100% might not be anywhere near my 100%. In other words, you may be giving me YOUR 100% but it looks nothing like my 100%.
This is when we have to make tough decisions about relationships. If I am giving you my 100% and I truly think you are giving me YOUR 100% but I’m not getting what I need from you because you just aren’t ready or able to give me what I need, I either have to accept you at YOUR 100% or move on.
So if I keep getting heart-broken because your 100% just doesn’t cut it for me, then I have to either accept you as is, or move on. This is where I am at with a few relationships right now. Hence the saying, “Its not you, its me.” Its TOTALLY true! It IS me. Its no fault of yours. You’re just a closed off piece of shit… haha – kidding… well, not really… ok I am kidding for reals this time.
Anyway, what I have learned and maybe now if you’ve read this to the end what you can start to look at is that sometimes the things that you are hurt by and heart-broken by are manifested within yourself. It truly isn’t about the other person. Its about you.
Take a step back from the clutter and just observe. Its also ok if its not enough for you. When you make that realization, let it go. Move on. There will be someone out there in the universe with the same relationships needs as yours. Holding on to the ones that don’t fill your cup might be preventing you from finding them.
