I’m here again. Trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. But this time, its a little different. I’m not rushing. I’m not letting ego drive the car. For the first time, in a very long time, I feel content. Like I could stay “here” for a while. A lot of this has been with the help of a coach. I’m putting in the work and its paying off.
In my years as a trainer, I’ve mainly worked with women. I have learned more from each and every one of them than I could have ever learned out of a book or a course. Over the years, the questions I found myself asking were, Why do women not think they are enough? Why do women not give themselves what they need? Why do women not think that they do not deserve? Why can’t women see their worth?
I saw so much beauty in each and every one of my clients. Each brought me a different lesson. There was always a vulnerability within each of them. One that they entrusted me with. One that I respected deeply.
As much as women’s lib did so many amazing things for us, I think it came at a cost. I really don’t mean to sound archaic with this but there is truth to it and I know I’m not the only one who has written about it. Women’s lib gave us the right to vote. The right to go out into the work-force with our male counterparts. It allowed us to have a voice. Our mothers and grandmothers fought hard for this. However, women are the only ones designed to bare children. With that, comes hormones and emotions that women’s lib just can’t equalize.
So where did it leave us? Trying to be everything, all at once. It left us fucking exhausted. Trying to work our way up the ladder, never really getting there in terms of equal pay, equal respect and truly equal opportunity. If you want to have a family, then how do you balance it all? I’d like to know if anyone has ever really figured that one out.
I’m blessed to have a husband who sees our marriage as a partnership. He sees it that way much more than I ever have, which has let my ego wreak havoc on my life and our marriage. I have been filled with insecurities because I’m not an equal bread-winner (even though I own half of our businesses). Chris tells me all the time that if I didn’t do what I did, then he couldn’t do what he does and we wouldn’t have what we have. So why hasn’t that been enough? Why have I always felt the need to prove that I can stand on my own two feet? Its caused me to be resentful and insecure when I’ve had a husband who has only ever supported me in every single way. My ego put a wall up and after close to 20 years of marriage, its time for it to come down. To give my whole self to the person that loves me most.
I’ve had a lot of different jobs. I’ve always worked exceptionally hard and have always left an impact on others. I’m really really great at a lot of things. But… its always been my ego leading the show, not my soul. My true greatness has been held back by my ego. I’ve now learned that in order for my greatness to shine, my soul needs to step-in and lead the way.
This blog is meant to come from my heart. To show the real me as imperfect as I am. To share what I’ve learned from all of the women who have taught me along the way. That we are enough, we CAN give ourselves what we need, what we deserve and desire and we are worth much more than we see in ourselves. If we can push the ego out of the way, we will realize that we can have it all, but just not all at the same time. We will also learn that we don’t need it all because what’s truly important becomes much more clear. We aren’t missing out on the things that we think we are. Our happiness, peace and joy lies within. The obstacles and limitations we place on ourselves are doubt.
Lets set ourselves free together.