This is the last thing that likely anyone wants to read about right now with our world being inundated with everything covid-19. So if no one reads this or if a lot of people read this, for me, its more of a diary or documentation of my experience over the past few months. Maybe a cathartic experience.
As a friend and I were chatting yesterday, we were discussing how each person is going through their own personal pandemic. There is no doubt that some are just trying to keep their heads above water. For others, such as myself, I have found myself going through a period of self-discovery and the need to do a lot of healing. While this may sound “privileged” and it is and I do not take this for granted for one minute. This is “my” pandemic experience and I don’t think any of us should undermine or undervalue anyone’s personal experience ever, but especially now.
After a nail-biting year of work on opening our new fitness facility, everything came to a grinding halt in March. We were supposed to be ready to go by September. Our potential was maxed in our temporary location and we needed this new space to kick things into high gear. My business partner and I had hours of discussion and heart-to-hearts, lots of tears and for me, a full month of insomnia. Eventually, we made the decision not to move forward. With what we knew would be our “new-normal” – I fucking hate that term by the way, we knew a business start-up was just not feasible. We do consider ourselves to be smart business women and we made this decision with our heads and not our egos. It was one of the hardest decisions either of us have ever had to make. I think when I say this, I can speak for both of us in that the largest piece was leaving the community that we had built and were so damn proud of.
So, first there was the loss of a dream and something we worked so hard on. Then add to that my oldest daughter, Jillienne who is in her grade 12 year. She has been a figure skater since she started kindergarten and I had been planning her send-off carnival for two years. “The Greatest Show on Ice”. I literally had dreams about this show. Part of it was the challenge of organizing and creating something really amazing, part of it was something to celebrate Jillienne’s years of dedication to a sport she loved and something she fought tooth and nail through. Politics, injuries, failures and triumphs – all things that go along with a competitive sport. Part of it was for me and some of the other dear parents who had fought our own set of battles to keep a little small-town club afloat. As ridiculous as it sounds, a few of us are bound through some pretty major trauma that so often happens when trying to advocate for something you believe so much in.
There has been a lot more, mainly another for Jillienne, which will be her graduation and prom. We have had lots of tears and heartaches with this as well but in some respects, knowing that she is not the only one gives some solace. One thing is for certain, these graduates will never forget their senior year.
So after mulling around and not knowing what the hell I was going to do with my life, I decided to reach out to a woman I met at the canfitpro conference last November in Vancouver. Mia Jerritt, who is a life coach and is the owner of Voice of Choice. When I listened to Mia in Vancouver, I was instantly drawn to her. She has the best sense of humour ever. Also, she is totally unscripted and authentic. That is my kind of person. So I reached out and have been working with her for almost two weeks now. Life coaching is something I whole-heartedly believe in. More so than counselling, although, there is a time and necessity for that as well. I don’t like to ruminate on the past. I just want to use it as a learning experience and figure out how to move forward. Dwelling on the bad shit doesn’t get us anywhere.
In typical Olivia fashion, I now want to “fire” Mia and move her here to hang out with – haha! No, first we still have a lot of work to do. Its been fascinating to see the patterns I hold, the areas that I really need to look at and work on and to slow the fuck down! For the first time in my life, I’m living each day in the present and not jumping into the next big thing to feed my ego. Mia in just a few short weeks has shown me that I do have a greatness to share with the world but how to move forward with that needs to be thoughtful. So that I don’t once again end up in a place that I’m doing something that “I’m really good at”, but doesn’t feed my soul and passion.
So here I am. With a new forum to share my thoughts and experience while I start to transition into a whole new chapter. My daughters will be out of the “nest” within the next few years. I find myself with more time on my hands because they are so independent and at a place where I finally want to see what has perhaps been right in front of me all along.
