The Gift of Vulnerability

Don’t you love when the universe sends you “winks”? While I’m not a religious person, I consider myself a spiritual person. I do believe in “signs” and “energies” and that there is a “higher power”. I love the book “When God Winks”. It is a story about being open to receiving signs from “God”. It really can be such a powerful thing. But you do have to open your heart and you definitely need to practice listening to your intuition.

This week I received a “wink” to write about vulnerability. Monday morning, I had a friend join me for my puppy walk. We brought our puppies and seniors. They were very cute together… but I digress.

We talked about personal connections and we both agreed that for us, the ability to be vulnerable was a huge factor in forming close friendships. As we continued to walk, my friend said that she was someone who shared a lot of herself and her stories and it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside because I too share a lot of myself with the world. Its led me to some of the most beautiful human connection over the years.

On to the “wink”. The very next day, I was getting ready to head out on my morning walk and I was searching for a podcast on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday with T.D. Jakes and I came across one with Brené Brown titled, “The Power of Vulnerability”. So I had a listen. There were so many powerful messages in that podcast. I had never really been “into” Brené before. Everyone is into Brené! So I then decided to listen to her TedX talk that really made her famous with 10 million views. Again, so many powerful messages. In both listens I found myself saying out loud – “YES!” “YES!!!”

Years ago, when I started my work as a personal trainer, I knew I wanted to blog and post real content for people to read. In many of my posts, I was very open and very real about my own personal struggles with body image, acceptance, exercise addiction, etc. I have no doubt that this is why it only took me a matter of a few months to build my business into a full-time job.

I’ll never forget doing consultations having never met most of these women before and them baring their souls to me with tears and kleenex. Some times I would get home in the evening completely drained from all of the emotion. I wondered if I had signed up to be a trainer or a therapist. I learned so much from each and every person I worked with. I believe they shaped who I am today. I’m beyond grateful.

Then something happened. I had someone tell me that they felt I “overshared” with my blog posts. Looking back now, I can’t believe I even listened to this considering the source. But for a long long time, it prevented me from writing. When I stopped sharing the parts of my life that people could connect with, I lost the love for my work. The thing is, when you are vulnerable, it does open yourself up to judgement. That can be a very scary place, but the alternative of growth definitely outweighs the fear of judgement.

Brené says, “connection is why we are here”. I believe that to be undeniably true. After all, if we don’t have connection, then what is it all for? I totally get that for some people opening up, being vulnerable is next to impossible. This is likely due to values or beliefs that were instilled as a child. Vulnerability equals weakness and or failure. Its hard to break that wall down – or what Brené calls armour.

I love when she says, not allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to have that armour on, keeps us away from everything we want more of. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open ourselves up to perceived failure. But, without failure there cannot be innovation. Brilliant.

Vulnerability takes courage. Brené talks about how she saw a therapist for years and then made it her career to study vulnerability. To this day, she still struggles with it and now that she has become such a huge public figure, it opened her up to the internet trolls. She talks about “anonymous” comments that were heartbreaking and so belittling that it made her question her choice to open up. However, she decided not to give those trolls the power. If they were not willing to put themselves inside of the “ring” then she wasn’t going to fight. They were the weak ones.

For me, vulnerability has taught me a lot of lessons over the years. I have definitely made the wrong choices a time or two with who to open my heart up to. Now, I can look at those experiences with gratitude. Those times and people taught me some invaluable lessons. It takes courage to show up and be seen. As they said in the podcast, baring your soul to someone (or even the world) has no guarantee. Very true. But the alternative in my opinion is such a small life.

Your relationships, your marriage, your parenting can all be so enriched by showing vulnerability. I hope that I have taught my daughters this power. Not to ever fear sharing their deepest feelings. You can experience a different kind of learning. One with depth and purpose. You can also learn learn your biggest life lessons no matter how hard some may be.

I believe my marriage is that much stronger from showing my husband vulnerability. There was a time when neither of us were doing so. We had forgotten how to communicate. It almost cost us our marriage. We’ve become wiser and still sometimes need reminders of how important it is to share. To communicate how we are truly feeling. Fears, anxieties, worries, joyful moments, insecurities and more. It has enriched our relationship and I hope shown our daughters what a strong partnership looks like. Its important to learn the language around this. To be empathetic and to reciprocate. It must be a two way conversation.

I’m also to a point in my life that if vulnerability cannot be reciprocated than I’m not willing to “play”. I would rather have one or two friends who I know I can be my authentic self with, without judgement then to have a group of people around me who I have to put on “airs” with. Just like my marriage, this must be reciprocated with friends. If someone cannot fully open their heart up to me, it means that I do not have their full trust. AND… another point in the podcast Brené says, if you can’t reciprocate vulnerability, you are judging the person you’re in front of. Period. You can’t be an amazing friend without reciprocating an open, honest, vulnerable heart. If you don’t trust me with your heart, how can I trust you with mine?

I’ll never forget one of the first interactions I had with one of my now closest friends. I learned all about her very tumultuous past within the first thirty minutes of meeting! lol! I think she must have known there would be a trust right there from the start. That taking the “ristk” of being vulnerable would land us in one of the most intimate, trustworthy friendships one can have. We also laugh about how much “personal work” we have both done. I don’t have any sort of traumatic past. I grew up in the most loving, “normal” families there was. However, I am a firm believer that there is always, ALWAYS work to do.

In closing, Brené talks about humans being hardwired for connection. Connection requires vulnerability. True, deep connection. In your friendships, marriage, parenting and even yes, your workplace. I am not afraid to cry big ugly tears. I’ve done it many many times. Sometimes you shudder in embarrassment, but it opens the doors not for just yourself, but others too.

It takes practice. Why not work on it?

Tell me your thoughts. This week its been the law of attraction. I’ve seen vulnerability at its finest this week in my marriage, my parenting, getting to know a new friend, TikTok and even just this morning, my daughter’s beautiful dance teacher who put all her feelings on the line. Its been a beautiful week.

Are you vulnerable? Are you fearful of vulnerability? What are your experiences?