Remember all those things you used to do “Before Children”? As my husband and I refer to as, “B.C.” Chris and I met just a couple months before my high school graduation and just a few months after that, I was off to University. Living three provinces away at a time when there was no such thing as a smart phone and e-mail was in its very beginning stages, it was the test of our lives.
Five years of a long distance relationship. Wasn’t easy but I think its the glue that kept us together. Our time together during those years was never taken for granted. We used to adventure a lot. We hiked, mountain biked and golfed a ton! I golfed right up until I was 8 months pregnant with our first daughter! I was pretty good too (so Chris says – I don’t know if I believe him). I do know that I was a lot less fearful – of everything. Youth has that benefit.
We did have our kids young! I was 26 and Chris 27 by the time we were finished having babies – our two perfect daughters. There are lots of pluses to having kids young. I think there are lots of pluses to having them older too. There really is no perfect time. Your life is meant to be what it is… in some respects I believe.
Fast forward to 2020. My oldest has now graduated, my youngest is going into grade 11 and I’m unemployed, which I’m now touting as “retired” at the ripe old age of 42. Its left me a bit lost and I’ve had a lot of “Mom Guilt” creeping in – but I’m trying to justify things as much as possible.
I mean, here I am. Living my best life while my girls are both busting their butts working summer jobs. Coming home exhausted and with little time for social time. Although, seeing as we are in a pandemic, that’s not a bad thing.
Over the past several months, I have found myself falling back in love and then some with the things Chris and I – and I alone used to do “B.C.” One being hiking. I’m doing things that are purely for enjoyment while the rest of my family is out working. Is this fair?
You know its steep when you have to start on a ladder! 
Loving Life! 
7 Billion people in the world and only three of us on this hike! 
Breathtaking! 
Loving the pain!
One friend says, “Good for you! You’ve put in your time and you deserve it!”. Then I wonder what other friends are thinking while I’m posting mid-week mountain adventures. But, only for a second and then I politely remind myself that I don’t give a fuck what others think. That’s the beauty of getting older. Its still there… but its quickly extinguished.
The fact is, I’m still the foreman of the family. I make sure there is food in the fridge, everyone is where they need to be, doing metal health checks, scheduling and ensuring that everything is “ok”. My husband has always said that he couldn’t do what he does without me doing what I do. I love him for those words. It has always provided a sense of security when I haven’t felt like “I am enough”.
So to all of you parents out there who are feeling a little lost when your kids start to become way more independent than you like, EMBRACE. This is your time to fall back in love with all the things that have been forgotten or put on hold while you were doing your most important job – raising your family. Life is way too short to feel guilty for doing the things you love. In my opinion, when you show your children that you can literally climb mountains, it provides someone to look up to. Someone who can find some balance in life. After all, we only get one. You better damn well not waste it.
I need some major practice. Old age has brought fear! 
Us Canucks can always find snow 
Into the clouds!